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Mommy, why does she have a wife?

August 27, 2022 /

If I had been asked this question four years ago, I wouldn’t have known what to say. But one day at a playground with friends, another mom asked what I thought about same-sex marriage. I told her I didn’t know. I’d grown up thinking that homosexuality was a sin. But some of my favorite seminary professors taught that we had misinterpreted the Bible, and that consensual gay sex wasn’t wrong. So I really didn’t know what to think. But I was ok with that; I’ve never felt the need to have an opinion on everything. I’d spent the past several years creating a home and raising babies. I was wrestling with sleep training, not sexual identity.

But her question got me thinking. Not having an opinion on social and political issues, or analyzing someone else’s relationship with God, was one thing when talking with adults. But being unprepared for important conversations with my kids felt like quite another. I knew the time was coming when it would be they, and not my married friends, who would be asking these questions. And if I learned anything in seminary, it was that early messages matter. So I began reading and listening, first to straight theologians and pastors, but then to those who have personally wrestled with their sexual and gender identities. They have come to various conclusions as to the Bible’s teaching on sexuality. But all of their stories have been gifts to me, both challenging my assumptions and helping to clarify my understanding of God’s word. And now the time has come for me to actually communicate these convictions to my kids.

In full disclosure, we haven’t had this entire conversation yet. I’ve often heard the advice to keep things simple. So we’ve only talked about bits and pieces of these topics, as they’ve come up. Nevertheless, I know that the new school year will likely bring new questions, so I want to be prepared to communicate well when the time comes. Our kids pick up on our discomfort with hard topics. So my hope is that in really thinking through and articulating these things, now, I can communicate simply and honestly, when it really matters. Because as Stan and Brenna Jones have articulated in How and When to Tell your Kids about Sex, first messages are the most potent.

And so I offer my words to you, friends, that they might spur you on to think through your own responses to these hard questions. For the sake of clarity, I’ve written the child’s questions in bold, with my responses in regular type. Also, I should note that my kids are in the first and second grades. I know that this will be an evolving conversation and will look very different after we’ve talked in more depth about puberty and sexual desire. But prior to having those major conversations about those topics, this is how I will likely respond to their questions now.

Mommy, why does she have a wife?

This is one of those areas where we believe that the Bible teaches something different than what most people in our broader culture believe. In our country, marriage is seen as a special promise between two people who love each other, no matter who they are. That means that anybody can get married, whether they are men or women. We agree that marriage is a special promise, but believe that the Bible describes Christian marriage as a unique relationship bringing together a man and a woman to become a new family.

But why does it have to be a man and a woman? Well, can you remember what the Bible says will happen when Jesus’ returns to the earth on the clouds? He’ll make all things new and be with us forever? That’s right! Jesus’ coming is described as a wedding, and the Church is called “the Bride of Christ.” So the Bible says that human marriage between a man and a woman- taking two people who are fundamentally different, and uniting them together to make a new family- is a picture of how someday God will bring Jesus and the church together. So since this is what marriage represents- God bringing together two things that are completely different- two men or two women don’t reflect that.

But what if I don’t care about representing Jesus? Can I just have a regular marriage? Doesn’t God just want us to love others? Hmmm. Those are really good questions. And the simple answer is yes, when you grow up, you’ll be able to marry whoever you like, whether a man or woman. But here’s the thing. God made our hearts to be most deeply satisfied when we’re following God’s good plans for our lives.

And I don’t believe that marriage between two men or two women is God’s best plan. So I don’t think that will lead to your deepest joy. I love being married to your dad, but my moments of deepest joy are when I’m feeling close to God. If you, Adam, don’t want to marry a woman, or if you, Lydia, don’t want to marry a man, that tells me that God’s good plan for your lives doesn’t include marriage, at least not then. Can you think of people we know or have read about who have done amazing things without being married? Daniel, Jesus, the apostle Paul in the Bible, and then Corrie Ten Boom, Harriet Tubman, Gladys Allyward, Eric Liddell, Amy Carmichael, Christopher Yuan, and your friends Kathy, Jeni, and Miss Cheryl? Great remembering! And what are some things they’ve been able to do because they weren’t married? (with significant prompting, I imagine!) Daniel served in the royal court of Babylon. Paul traveled around the world telling people about Jesus. Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsy hid Jewish people in their secret room. Harriet Tubman led hundreds of slaves to freedom on the Underground Railroad. Gladys Allyward traveled around China unbinding little girls’ feet and then led 100 children through the mountains to safety during a war. Eric Liddell won a gold medal in the Olympics and then became a missionary. Amy Carmichael rescued girls from being temple slaves and became their mother. Christopher Yuan travels all over speaking in churches and teaching people how to follow Jesus. Kathy was a college professor who loved her students and helped them believe in themselves. Jeni is a missionary who helps women who used to be slaves. Miss Cheryl shares God’s love with homeless people and wants to tell people about Jesus in jails. That’s right! God does want us to love others. And being married and raising children are one of the main ways many people love and serve one another. But marriage isn’t the only way to love people. And God has made some special people to love and serve others without being married. Sometimes we call this “singleness.” These people often have more energy to love those outside of their own families.

But I love my friends. Does that make me gay? No, loving your friends doesn’t make you gay because there are different kinds of love. My love for pizza is very different than my love for your Daddy! The Bible actually uses 4 different Greek words that are all translated into the English word, “love.” Three of them— “storge,” which is how babies love their mommies, “phillia,” which is the love between good friends, and “agape,” which is the unconditional love of God—are wonderful for boys to feel for other boys, and girls to feel for other girls. In fact, God made us to love each other in these 3 ways! But the 4th kind of love, “eros,” is a different, romantic kind of love that makes grown ups want share their entire bodies with each other, the way God designed people to do in marriage. That’s the kind of love that Daddy and I have only for each other. And that kind of love- eros- should only grow between one man and one woman.

So is God mad at gay people? Absolutely not! But tell me what you mean by “gay people.” That’s a tricky phrase that can mean a couple of different things. I’m meaning people who want to marry someone like themselves- a man who wants to marry another man, or a woman who wants to marry another woman. That’s a great clarification; thank you for explaining what you meant! First of all, it’s not a sin for a man to want to marry another man, or for a woman to want to marry another woman. Wanting something that God says “no” to is a temptation, not a sin. The Bible says that even Jesus was tempted to want things that God said “no” to in the wilderness, and He was the perfect son of God! All of us are tempted to want things that aren’t God’s best for us. At night when you go to bed I’m tempted to make myself a batch of chocolate chip cookies! And is God angry with me for being tempted? No way! Does being tempted show how bad I am? No way! The Bible says that God loves us and is with us, helping us to stand firm when we’re being tempted to want what isn’t God’s best for us.

But what about when I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit’s help, and I don’t stand firm? Is God mad then?  Well, what does the Bible tell us in Psalm 103? The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His love for those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Yeah. The Bible says that it was while we were still separated from God that Jesus died for us. God is love. So even if people are ignoring God, God still loves them.

But aren’t they bad, since they haven’t asked Jesus to forgive them? They may be separated from God, but that doesn’t make them bad. There are still many areas of their lives that beautifully reflect God, because they were created in God’s image. So I believe they bring God glory just by being who God designed them to be! The way they “storge love” and “phillia love” one another, and how they serve one another reflects God. The way they welcome others into their home reflects God. The way they’re caring for children glorifies God. There are many parts of their lives that are very good, because they were made in God’s image. But even though there are many ways in which they do reflect God, I don’t believe their “eros love,” or their marriage, is one of them. But let me ask you a question: We’re created in God’s image, too. But are any of us good enough to be saved without Jesus? No. That’s right. We are all created in the image of God, and we all need Jesus to forgive our sin so that we can be with him forever.

But they’re not followers of Jesus, right? That’s a really tough one. Let me ask you a question. When I was impatient with you, this morning, was that a sin? Yes. And did it stop me from being a Christian? No. What about you, when you got mad and hit me, yesterday, was that a sin? Yes. Were you still a child of God? Yes. Now, when I was impatient with you and when you hit me, were we reflecting Jesus? No. And what were the consequences? We hurt one another and felt lonely. Right. So we can sin, and even have consequences for sin, while still being children of God.

Now, the Bible also says that if we know God’s word and continuously choose to ignore God, that is really serious, because when the Holy Spirit is working in our hearts, God changes us to become more like Jesus. It doesn’t mean that we’re perfect. But it does mean that we’re wanting to become more like Him.

So I don’t know if they’re followers of Jesus because I don’t know their hearts.

The other tricky thing is that while the Bible is perfectly true, our understanding of it is not. The apostle Paul says it’s like looking through a glass dimly, which always makes me think of a foggy window. And some of the Greek words in the Bible can actually mean different things. It’s like in our book about archeology– scientists take everything that they know- there’s a bone, here, and an arrowhead, here, and spots where the poles were, here, and a burned spot there- and they put together the pieces to show what life was probably like a long time ago. But there’s a chance that they haven’t gotten the pieces together quite right because they weren’t actually there. Now, does their misunderstanding of the truth change what actually happened? No. Well, it can be a little like that when understanding the Bible. God’s word is completely true. God doesn’t change based on what we think. So we do our best to know God by understanding God’s word! And most of the Bible is clear. But since it was written in a different time, language, and culture, there are some things we just don’t understand, yet.

Our church believes that God’s plan for Christian marriage is to be between one man and one woman. But there are other churches that believe differently. I disagree with them, but anyone who says that they love Jesus with all their hearts and whose lives show the evidence of the Holy Spirit’s fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, sure looks like a follower of Jesus to me! I believe following God’s design for marriage and singleness is very important. But I can’t say that someone else isn’t following Jesus because we disagree about this.

We just can’t know what God is doing in someone else’s life. It’s like in The Horse and His Boy, when Shasta asks Aslan what happened to Aravis. Do you remember how Aslan responds? He says he’s telling Shasta his own story, and that he doesn’t tell anyone anybody’s story except his own. Yeah. It reminds me of the story in the Bible when Jesus is talking to Peter after being raised from the dead. It’s in John 21. Jesus had just told Peter that someday Peter would be killed the way Jesus, himself, had been killed. Peter sees John and asks Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.” This tells me that it’s usually not our job to figure out what God is doing in someone else’s life or what God wants them to do. But we are responsible to obey what God is saying to us. And we think the Bible says that gay marriage is wrong for followers of Jesus. Our choices are either to marry someone of the opposite sex or to discover all of the good that God has for us in singleness.


Alright, grownups Remember that this is going to be an evolving conversation with many layers. So the way I’ve responded to young elementary kids might be overly simplistic in just a few years. Or this may be way too much for your kids. Nevertheless, I believe these to be important foundations that will both satisfy my kids’ questions and can be later built upon as they grow and encounter new situations. In summary, here are a few of my key convictions that I want to make sure my kids catch.

  • God loves all people. Created in God’s image, all people reflect God’s goodness and are worthy of respect. As a group, straight Christians have too often failed to live out this truth of God’s love for LGBTQ people. So we have a lot of baggage to work through before this love will be easily received. Furthermore, within many evangelical churches our kids will naturally pick up on prejudicial attitudes toward the LGBTQ community unless we are intentional in dismantling both the theology and pride and that can lead to straight people’s feelings of superiority, and same-sex attracted kids’ feelings of shame and inferiority. So this is an area to which we’ll need to give particular attention as our kids grow.
  • Many followers of Jesus experience same-sex attraction. Most people would describe this experience as being gay. Our kids may be among those who love the Lord with their whole hearts, souls, minds, and strength and yet find themselves wrestling with their sexuality (and gender identities).
  • In our country, marriage is seen as a special promise between two people who love each other, no matter who they are. That means that anybody can get married, whether they’re men or women. We agree that marriage is a special promise, but believe that the Bible describes Christian marriage as a unique relationship bringing together a man and a woman to become a new family.
  • If a man doesn’t want to marry a woman, we believe that God has good plans for him as a single man. If a woman doesn’t want to marry a man, we believe that God has good plans for her as a single woman. Though we agree with the broader culture that sexual desire isn’t chosen and insist upon the truth that God loves and accepts gay people just as they are, we disagree with the logic that homosexual desires are therefore worthy of being pursued.
  • The Bible is perfectly true, but our interpretation / understanding of is not. Thus, Christians believe different things about marriage. We are each responsible to God, both for our convictions and our behavior.

Dear God, thank You for allowing us to have these important conversations with our kids! Thank You for Your word, and thank You for the men and women who have humbly and courageously shared their stories of wrestling with sexual identity. Thank You for the ways in which their testimonies are helping us better understand Your word and are bearing fruit in the lives of our children. Bless them today. Please forgive us and our communities for ways in which we’ve misrepresented You and failed to love our neighbors as ourselves. And bless these parents and their children. We trust you to guide us as we raise our kids to engage their world with Your grace and truth. May we be people who rest in Your love, extend Your welcome, and are excited by Your good plans for our lives. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Mommy, why are people with brown skin dying and why are people with peach skin making it happen?

June 22, 2020 /

Lying in bed, my three year old managed to break my heart while rendering me speechless. Our family had just participated in an antiracism prayer rally, and obviously she and her six year old brother had been paying closer attention than I’d realized. I confessed that I didn’t know how to answer her well, but that I would absolutely think it through so we could talk more in the morning.

And talk we did. I’m sure I messed up a lot of things in this conversation. But God has charged me with discipling my children as we walk along life’s way, and racism is a significant feature on our path. So while part of me still worries that it was premature, the next day at breakfast I pulled down the globe and we talked. About history. About assumptions. About being wrong. About melanin and the equator. About the game of Monopoly and how it’s hard to do well when the other person owns most of the properties. Most of these topics had come up before, but in this conversation we pulled them all together. And we talked a lot about God.

I explained racism from within the context of God’s big story; God created a perfect world that is currently experiencing brokenness because of our fall into sin, but Jesus redeemed us through his death and will ultimately restore fallen creation when he returns to make all things new. We talked about how so many people, including Christians, have been terribly wrong through the years, but also that there have always been some who have understood biblical teaching on ethnicity.

These have known that God created all people in God’s image, and that God loves the differences God made in us. They have understood that in God’s kingdom people use their power and strength to serve and care for one another, whereas in our broken world people often use their power and strength to get what they want. These have loved their neighbors as themselves by speaking up for the poor, freeing slaves, and trying to change the laws that have helped white people more than black people. And now it’s time for us to join them in that fight.

The conversation has obviously continued beyond that initial breakfast. At one point they walked in on me watching Just Mercy (which I highly recommend!) and asked why Walter McMillian was being hurt by his jailers. I explained that just like Jesus, Steven, Peter, Paul, and Silas were falsely accused (usually being charged with disrupting the peace or teaching against/ dishonoring God in some way), so also this man was falsely accused. When they asked about Bryan Stevenson’s character I responded that he was a lawyer who was following Jesus by fighting for the wrongly accused man.

But the painful truth is that many of us haven’t consistently followed Jesus in this way. There have always been pockets fighting for the least of these. But as a whole, white Christians have been naive at best, and complicit at worst regarding racial injustice in this country. And now we have come to the place where we can only claim ignorance by choosing to dismiss the cries that surround us.

I am so thankful for those who are offering their stories to help me imagine what it’s like to walk in their shoes. I’m also thankful for resources that help me recognize my own assumptions and think critically about how they are unintentionally shaping my kids. This is such good and necessary work!

But I’ve also noticed a hole. Despite all that I’ve read online about raising inclusive and antiracist kids, I have encountered precious little showing parents how the Bible can be used either to promote racial bias or to dismantle it.

Historically, those in positions of authority have all too often used the Bible to bolster their power. This is our story… But it’s also not. Jesus isn’t white. He wasn’t wealthy. His kingdom was not of this world. His goal wasn’t to make me feel good about myself, affirm my preferences, or justify my sin. He didn’t die so that I could stop growing or take the easy way out. Instead, he challenged the unrighteousness of those holding power and was killed for it.

The New Testament Greek word for “righteousness” (dikaios) can also be translated into English as “justice.” It’s the same Greek word, translated differently based on the context. In general, we think of righteousness as a right relationship with God and justice as right relationships with others. But the Greek word for the two is the same. Right relationships are central to the biblical story.

From the very beginning, we see whispers of this when God heard Abel’s blood crying out from the ground. Years later, Abraham was promised that he would be blessed so that he could be a blessing to the nations. Roughly 400 years after that God told Moses that God had once again heard the cries of God’s people and would deliver Abraham’s children from their oppressive slavery under Pharaoh. From this point on, God’s heart for justice became more explicit. Throughout the law, the newly freed Israelites were instructed to care for the poor and foreigners, remembering that they, themselves, were also slaves in Egypt. When Israel went into exile it was for the dual sins of idolatry and taking advantage of the poor.

And then a few hundred years later, in the final week of his life, their Messiah stormed into the temple, creating chaos as he angrily overturned the money changers’ tables and released their animals because they were taking advantage of the poor in the very place that was built as a house of prayer for the nations. Righteousness and justice are central.

So how do we teach this aspect of the biblical story? Books are probably being written about it as I type, but thus far I’ve found only one Sunday School curriculum that focuses on it (which is NOT to say that there aren’t more; please share more resources in the comments!). So in the meantime I have two suggestions as to where us parents can start. First, we can learn. We can learn about both biblical justice and about the current cultural situations in which we find ourselves. As the primary teachers of our children, we will naturally teach the Bible differently to them when we understand it differently for ourselves (here’s an example of how we used Mary and Joseph’s flight to Egypt to talk about immigration). There are many great reading lists and resources online, the following being a few to get you started.

And then our second major task is to be intentional about our children’s books and Bibles. I’ve seen several helpful lists of picture books that celebrate diversity or help us talk about racism (many of which we have loved), but Christian parents have the additional opportunity and responsibility to be discerning in our choices of Bibles and Bible storybooks. We’ve been grafted into a community that worships a Middle Eastern Savior along with brothers and sisters from every tribe, language, people, and nation! But this can be easily lost on our kids if we fail to choose Bible storybooks whose illustrations reflect this truth. I’ve written more about this in a previous post (How to choose a Bible or Bible storybook), but these are some of our favorites (and one that’s on our wishlist).

* There are many picture books about Ruby Bridges, but I appreciate how this one includes her faith. The Lion First Bible has primarily white characters, but is helpful in emphasizing the power dynamics in much of the New Testament.

In a similar vein, another really simple shift could be to choose mostly brown tones when coloring the skin of Bible characters. This past year during Advent, I noticed the 5 year olds in my Sunday School class all using the peach marker for Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. Recognizing the opportunity but not wanting any to feel corrected, I just sat down with them and began coloring my own picture differently. Sure enough, the kids noticed. One little girl even told me that I was coloring them wrong! We ended up having a good conversation about how Jesus was from a part of the world where most people have black hair and darker skin. It didn’t last long, but felt like a good start.

These aspects of our story simply must be shared. They must be shared out of love for our neighbors, and also for the hope that we profess. We will continue to make lots of mistakes. But that’s part of our story, too. We are fallen, but also forgiven, forgiving, and empowered. So let’s embrace our calling as we courageously learn together while confronting the darkness of our own lives and broken world with Jesus’ light and hope!

The life-changing magic of Showing Up

August 14, 2019 /

God does good things when I show up. This morning I was the last of my family to roll out of bed. That’s never a good start. So after getting my husband off to work and our initial chores done, my kids settled into playing while I took a cappuccino back to my room for morning prayer. It wasn’t magical. And I kind of dreaded coming out. I didn’t even have a good plan for the day. But my prayer time focused on leadership and my primary context is within my own family. So out I went.

When we finally sat down to eat, there was a part of me that was tempted to skip the various elements of our breakfast routine, which often include a hymn, some Scripture memory, and a Bible story. Sometimes I just get tired of being the one to initiate it all. But I didn’t skip it. I’m the leader. So I opened the hymnal.

I hadn’t even been sure about this month’s hymn, Holy God, We Praise Thy Name. The text is very theological and my kids have only recently turned 3 and 5. But it’s actually been pretty wonderful, providing me space to worship our Holy God, while stirring up questions that my kids otherwise wouldn’t have thought to ask. For example, yesterday one of them asked about “cherubim and seraphim,” which took us to Isaiah 6’s description of God’s throne. It was pretty awesome.

So today Adam wondered, “Mom, how can God know what we are doing and thinking all the time?” And only then did God set fire to my tired heart and bring clarity to my chaotic mind. After a fun vocabulary lesson on omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, and omnibenevolence, one thing led to the next and we were talking about Christ’s lordship in human hearts. Based on things we’d already discussed in the hymn (“All on earth Thy scepter claim, All in heaven above adore Thee: Infinite Thy vast domain, Everlasting is Thy reign”) I explained that there is only one realm in the whole world where God’s Spirit does not ultimately reign unless invited. When I asked them where they thought that might be, my oldest actually guessed that I was talking about our hearts! Even my little kids seemed to understand that love, by definition, must be freely offered, and for that reason God created us with the ability to reject God’s love and authority.

That led into the next element. We’re very slowly going through Clay Clarkson’s Our 24 Family Ways, and this week we’re learning Way #6: We serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first, with the associated verse, “Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). And so I transitioned, “even though God was all-powerful, Jesus chose to be born as a tiny baby. And did he choose to come so that everyone who lived on earth at that time would praise and serve him?” to which Adam very thoughtfully responded, “No, he came to die.” And then we talked about the curse of sin, the brokenness of this world, and the definition of ransom. It was so rich.

And then my kids started fighting because one of them took the last of the blueberries.

It was all unexpected, truly a morning of just showing up. So often when I choose to offer my fish and loaves, Jesus takes them into his hands, multiplies them, and then gives the abundance back to me so that I may experience the joy of being his hands and feet, extending his truth and love to my children.

I don’t share this because it is extraordinary, but rather because writing helps me give appropriate weight to the things that matter. Occasionally I am asked why I have not posted more regularly. One of the main reasons is that our days feel so very sacred and yet completely ordinary all at the same time. But today I’m writing it down, lest I forget these conversations that are being woven together to create the tapestry of our lives.

Thanks be to God!

Making Room Week 3: Kingdom of God

March 17, 2019 /

Lent is a season for self-examination and confession, an annual opportunity to “remember your baptism” by reflecting on Jesus’ call to follow him in love, death, and new life. This week we’ll look at his first public teaching in the gospel of Luke, through which he essentially declares himself to be the promised Messiah inaugurating God’s long awaited Kingdom. As you watch the video and then use the additional resources, I invite you to prayerfully consider different ways your family might live into and celebrate his kingdom vision for our world, today.

https://vimeo.com/324762038

Songs

Memorization

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10).

Bible Stories*

  • Healing miracles (Matthew 15:29-31, cf. Ezekiel 47:1-12 and Revelation 22:1-5)
  • John’s baptism (Luke 3:1-14)
  • Pearl of great price, Rich young ruler (Matthew 13:45-46; 19:16-30)
  • Cleansing the temple (Luke 19:45-48)
  • Love your enemies (Matthew 5:38-48, Luke 22:47-53, possibly 23:34)
  • Jesus frees captives (if age-appropriate, Matthew 8:28-34)

Activities

  • Make a few simple meals and donate the money saved to a food pantry or other ministry (one of our favorites is World Vision).
  • Encourage someone who’s sick
  • Declutter, giving clothes/ toys to Salvation Army
  • Reconcile with “an enemy.”
  • Read The Quiltmaker’s Gift, an amazing story about a greedy king who finds true joy by giving away his many treasures.

*More details about how our family plans to use these resources can be found here.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever (Ephesians 3:21-22)!

Making Room: journeying together through Lent

March 6, 2019 /

A few weeks ago I was asked to help make weekly videos that can guide our church community through Lent. They will be primarily for teenagers and adults, but since I am walking through the season with my 2 and 4 year olds, we will also include some elements specifically chosen for them.

But first I have a confession. We’ve never done this. Yes, that’s right. This will be our family’s very first time practicing Lent, together!

So while I’ve been excited to plan it for the four of us, I really didn’t anticipate writing about it, this year… until the pastors asked me to help with the videos! So here we are. Perhaps this can encourage you to jump in and try something new, as well, because we really are all in this together!

For a year or so, the kids and I have been playing around with several different ways of nurturing our hearts and minds over breakfast or lunch. They’ve generally included some combination of eating, playing with play dough or slime, coloring, reading and conversation about Bible stories, pretending their Bible stories, learning a hymn, and memory work. Since I really love the rhythm we’ve established, I’m using a similar format during Lent. Therefore, we’ve chosen a theme for each of the videos (to be used by broader congregation), and then found additional songs, Bible stories, verses to memorize, and a few activities or projects to be used throughout the week specifically for kids. More details about how we anticipate using each of these can be found here. Finally, we’ll be listening to a Spotify playlist as we go about our day with songs that help us reflect on the weekly theme.

During this first partial week (beginning on Ash Wednesday) we will focus on habits and prayer. Overall, we are considering this Lenten season as an opportunity to cultivate the soil of our hearts, motivated by Jesus’ parable of the sower in Matthew 13 (and my weedy garden last summer). So in the video, I give an overview and then encourage people to pray about one established habit that they can set aside for the next 7 weeks (pulling weeds), and one new habit to begin (amending soil). And now, without further ado, here’s our first video and additional resources, with a huge thanks to the Summit Church team for producing both it and the graphic at the top of this post!

https://vimeo.com/321645193

Songs

Memorization: Matthew 6:9-13

Bible Stories

  • Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23)
  • The Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11: 1, Matthew 6:9-13)
  • Solitude in Prayer (Matthew 6:5-8; Luke 6:12-13)

Activities

  • Plant flower or vegetable seeds
  • Choose family (or individual) habits to add and set aside
  • Create a special prayer closet, corner, or tent
  • Simplify meals (soup and bread)

Picture Books

When will it be peach season? Embracing seasonality

October 25, 2018 /

Wow, it’s been a while! But here I am, writing from a hotel room where I hope to sleep before completing a half-marathon tomorrow morning. That’s the simplest explanation for my absence; I’ve been running instead of writing.  But there’s been more to it than that. Heading into the summer I hadn’t given much thought to how this blog might be impacted by the seasons along with other rhythms of family life and even my own creativity. As homesteaders, much of our summer has been spent either in the garden or the kitchen. As a mother, I’ve been reevaluating some pretty foundational aspects of our parenting, as well as investing energy into a handful of special family events. Then as a blogger, I’ve been reminded often of a prayer in Phillip Newell’s Celtic Benedictions.

For the night followed by the day

for the idle winter ground

followed by the energy of spring

for the infolding of the earth

followed by bursts of unfolding

thanks be to you, O God.

For rest and wakefulness

stillness and creativity

reflection and action

thanks be to you.

Let me know in my own soul and body

the rhythms of creativity that you have established.

Let me know in my family and friendships

the disciplines of withdrawal and the call to engagement.

Let me know for my world

the cycles of renewal

given by you for healing and health

the pattern of the seasons

given by you for the birth of new life.

I think it all started with food. Several years ago it occurred to me that people have almost always been able to survive without electricity, refrigeration, and the fossil fuels used to transport food around the world. This boggled my mind. How and what in the world did they eat?! So began… well, everything, really, but specifically my fascination with discovering God’s abundance  throughout  the year. These last few months our family has been relishing the gifts of each season, beginning with strawberries and service berries, then progressing to goumis, blueberries, peaches, blackberries, autumn olives, and now finally apples.

Eating seasonally is also about waiting and learning to live without, thereby challenging ourselves to look with new eyes on how we might be nourished by what is. As such, I’ve also found great satisfaction in learning to prepare common weeds. Peter Rabbit has eaten the swiss chard? No problem; we can harvest the pigweed! The heat has sent all of my lettuce to seed? Let’s have purslane!  A mouse has made her home and been munching on the tubers growing in our sweet potato bed? Thank God the leaves cook down like spinach!

But embracing the seasons isn’t just about eating. It’s also about attending to what needs to be done. We didn’t grow any fun winter squash varieties I’d picked out of the seed catalogue because I missed their planting season, this spring. The other day I noticed that the fence fell which had been protecting next year’s spring greens. Thus, the chickens had scratched and eaten all of our seedlings. Winter is now too close to begin anew. Early and mid-summer, on the other hand, are not the seasons for planting but for weeding. Where I missed that season I compromised my harvests. And then there’s protection from pests. In order to grow food without chemicals, it’s important to know the life-cycles of our biggest threats. A few years ago a Colorado Potato Beetle infestation ruined one of our crops in a matter of days. The same is true of Squash Bugs. This year we faithfully picked them off (by hand!) for about two weeks when they were first hatching, so they never became a problem for us. There’s a certain window in which we have to do things.

We westerners have been formed in a world where we can pretty much have and do whatever we want whenever we see fit. But it’s not real. We can’t have it all. We can’t do it all. It’s a world created by human ingenuity to project what we wish to be true. We so easily fall prey to this deception, but eating seasonally allows us multiple opportunities each day to practice both healthy restraint and righteous indulgence. And my kids are getting it. I can’t describe my delight over the course of the summer when their questions turned from “but why can’t we have those peaches (grown in Spain)?” to “Mom, when will it be peach season in Michigan?” I don’t remember the context, but at one point I asked them “What would happen if we planted peas at the beginning of the summer?” I didn’t know how Adam would respond, but was thrilled when he concluded that “They won’t grow. We plant peas in the spring.” I asked a few other such questions, before making the connection that the same is true in our lives. For everything there is a season.

And so I haven’t been writing.

This has been a season for milestones and experimentation in the life of our family.  We’ve spent a few nights sleeping out on our porch. We’ve tried some new ways of practicing Sabbath, including overnight coffee cake for breakfast and campfires at dinner. We celebrated our first “Family Day” where I wrote out our story and we began a rock memorial of God’s faithfulness. We prepared a special breakfast to honor Adam on his first day of preschool.  We anticipated Christ’s return by reading Scripture and savoring the sweetness of honey and apples during the Feast of Trumpets. We even went camping for the first time!

It has also been a season of reevaluating some key aspects of our parenting and seeking out the wisdom of others, especially in our approach to discipline. Last January I came to know the ministry of Sally Clarkson through her inspiring book, The Lifegiving Home (which I listened to on Audible while cleaning my kitchen).  This summer I subscribed to her online community where I’ve been able to articulate questions and glean from others. Finally, I read her husband’s excellent Heartfelt Discipline, which I imagine will continue bearing fruit for the remainder of our lives. I don’t feel quite ready to write much about these shifts, but want to acknowledge that they are in process. It’s been a season for drawing inward.

And finally, it has been a season of investing in my own physical health. It’s a bit of a long story, but it’s also not. We kept getting sick. I kept gaining weight. We were celebrating God’s gifts from the soil all while my health was declining. The story that I articulated about the goodness and wisdom of God’s creation wasn’t being supported by my own choices; I’m pretty sure my blood sugar isn’t elevated by the foods coming out of our garden! Things needed to change. So I registered for a half-marathon (which wouldn’t allow me to make excuses for not exercising) and made some changes in my diet. It has required both time and energy, but I’ve been repeatedly encouraged that I’m right to prioritize it, at least for this particular season.

Now, as a very long aside please hear me say that I do not think we need to prioritize physical health during every season of our lives! I am ever so thankful that God has given us resilient bodies. Please don’t allow yourself to feel condemned based on this part of my story. God loves us and extends to us God’s great grace! That said, it was time for me. There’s a section of Adam’s favorite book, St. George and the Dragon, where the knight is tempted to take an easier road but is challenged, “go down into the valley and fight the dragon that you have been sent to fight.” This has been my dragon. I’m in Bible Study Fellowship where we recently considered the life of Caleb in the book of Joshua  (see chapter 14). This has been my hill. My Hebron. But it may not be yours. While running I’ve worked on memorizing Hebrews 12, which begins “… let us run with endurance the race that is set before us…” It doesn’t say, “let us run the race that was set before [some other hero of the faith].” This has been my race. What is yours?

So. That’s where we’ve been. I’ve been choosing to engage in the work and gifts of this season. Through it all I’ve been thinking about this blog and the Church year. I think I may have read somewhere that the liturgical seasons of Advent through Pentecost (roughly December through June) are when we focus on God’s redemptive work in history (the coming of Christ, Jesus’ death and resurrection, and the birth of the Church), whereas Ordinary Time provides those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere the opportunity to practice God’s redemptive work in creation (the cycles of birth and death; the processes of pruning, tending, and cultivating; the particular gifts of each season; the wisdom of preserving abundant harvests; etc.). It’s certainly been that way for me. With each failed crop and great bounty I’ve been aware of life’s seasonality. A difference, though, is that the physical seasons will come around again. I’ll get to plant my cool winter squash this coming June and try again with spring greens come August. But this was my last summer with these particular 2 and 4 year olds.

What about you? What is the work set before you in these days? In which gifts will you indulge and give thanks?

Oh, and I ran that half-marathon, thanks be to God!

 

Parenting from the Source: sending our roots down deep

June 7, 2018 /

God created our babies to grow up and become autonomous individuals. They’re thinking more independently, coming up with their own new ideas (and experiments), and testing the limits of their growing power, both within themselves and especially in relation to others. I know I should be excited by this but it’s requiring so much of me… it’s been hard, lately. These last few days I’ve pulled out all of my parenting books and have been trying to figure out some new strategies for these new stages.

This morning I read Psalm 1:1-3, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.”

When I read and reread the phrase “his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night,” I pictured a young tree whose driving passion is to send its roots deeper and deeper until they find water. It reminded me of my walk around our yard, last night, where my soul was filled by the bursting forth of life all around me. The blueberry and goumi bushes that my husband had planted a few years ago have finally set loads of immature berries. In addition to fruit, I  discovered a tiny nest in one of them with two newly hatched birds! The thing is, newly planted bushes and trees rarely produce fruit in their first and second years of growth (and certainly cannot host families of birds) because the vast majority of their energy is going into the establishment of their roots.

Last night, though, I was up past midnight reading parenting books. So this morning God’s living Word spoke through the psalmist,  opening the eyes of my heart to my deepest need. I journaled, “God, I’m feeling empty and thirsty. Please forgive me for jumping right into problem solving mode and seeking wisdom apart from You. I have some good parenting strategies. And I’m thankful to be able to learn more. But it’s the fruit of Your Spirit that I’ve been lacking more than anything. I’ve been so impatient. I want others (including my children) to make my life easier, not harder. Your Spirit produces joy but this morning I was struggling to delight even in my own kids. And I’m anxious. I’m anxious about their behavior. About their future. About my performance and competence. About my reputation… I’ve been missing You while looking for solutions in parenting books. But You are the way, the truth, and the life. I need to send my roots down deep into Your word because I know that you reward those who earnestly seek you (Hebrews 11:6), and are absolutely faithful to your promise that anyone who comes to you will be filled and burst forth with your Living Water (John 7:37-39).”

So. This blog is about using stories to invite our kids into God’s great story of redemption. Well, today’s story is one that my kids get to witness, firsthand. This momma is broken but God’s mercies are new every morning! I’d thought I needed strategies, plans, and methods. But I’d somehow missed how distracted I’ve been from my source. So praise be to the God who invites us to “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live” (Isaiah 55:1-3).

Today’s story is also about the brokenness of wisdom in this age. Our minds were created to flourish within the context of a relationship with God. So outside of that context, we cannot trust even our own minds to be working to their full potential. When I’m feeling insecure or out of control, it’s so easy for me to turn first to sources other than the Lord. But even though they can be immensely helpful, neither parenting experts nor my friends have the power to transform this heart of stone into a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 26:36). Neither can they produce the fruit of God’s Spirit in me. And today, that is what this family is needing most. Thanks be to God!

 

So, how are you sending your roots down into the Living Water, these days? If you could use some encouragement in this area I’d love for you to join me as I read and journal my way through the prayer book of Jesus (aka, the Book of Psalms). I’ve been using a really simple method of journaling for 18 years now that I’m attaching here. I think it may have originally came from The Navigators, but I was introduced to it as a required class assignment in college! My husband and I are also reading through Clay and Sally Clarkson’s The Lifegiving Parent with a few other couples. I expect that it may prompt a few blog posts over the next several months, if you want to read along with us.

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Change the atmosphere (celebrating the power of music)!

May 28, 2018 /

It’s been one of those weeks. OK, two weeks. We haven’t learned any new verses. We’ve often missed our morning Bible time. I’ve felt inexplicably down, anxious, spacey, and grumpy. And unmotivated. As such, we’ve been listening to a lot of music. I have a Spotify playlist entitled “kids morning songs” that I like to have in the background when we’re around the house together. I find that children’s music serves two main purposes for us.

First, it impacts our atmosphere. I usually like my personality. Generally speaking I enjoy life and smile a lot. I’m also creative and laid back. So usually my personality, alone, can energize a life giving atmosphere in my home. But then there are those mornings. Or days. Or weeks. When I’m having trouble pulling out of a funk I’ll often turn on the kids playlist to help clear the air. Somehow it helps me refocus and smile again. Our most surefire atmosphere changer is singing and dancing to Rend Collective’s “Build Your Kingdom Here.” My kids have no idea that our most passionate declarations of God’s presence are usually being sung when I’m feeling most desperate to experience their reality.

I suppose it might be something like my experience with liturgical or pre-writen prayers. When I’m feeling especially connected to God words pour from my heart with very little effort. But when I’m discouraged or tired I’m often immobilized by the creative energy required to come up with something meaningful to say. It is especially in these moments that I am thankful to adopt heartfelt prayers written by others (my favorite is Celtic Benedictions).

It might also be like a movie’s musical score. Music directs our emotions. If a young woman is entering her home with foreboding music in the background, I’m on edge just waiting for the bad guy to jump out from around the corner. But if she approaches to “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desire,” I’m anticipating an entirely different scene complete with candlelight, red roses, and a man on bended knee. So when I am self-aware enough to know that I want an atmosphere other than the one our moods are creating, turning on our kids’ morning playlist is one of the easiest things I can do to set a different tone.

Second, music teaches. Again, I’m usually a pretty good teacher. But when I just don’t have it in me I’m especially thankful for intentionally chosen music to form the soundtrack of my kids’ days (and very lives!). In the last two weeks, there have been at least three occasions when Adam has asked about some fairly deep theological concept, completely unprovoked except that we were listening to songs about the ideas. The ones I’m remembering were “How will I be a new creation? Why do I have to be last to be first?” and “Mom! Is God’s new world already here?!” Of course, as a teacher and lover of God’s word, there’s nothing that energizes me and pulls me out of a funk faster than my 4 year old coming up with questions like that! So as soon as he asked we had great conversations about it. But I didn’t have to be the one initiating them.

[Update 5/30/18: Today we were having another rough-ish morning. But then Adam again asked, “How can God’s new world already be here but still be coming?” One of my best tricks I’ve learned is to tell Adam that he’s asked a great question and I want to think about it. I did that, today, and an answer quickly followed. “Adam,” I asked, “when you look out the window and see the Envoy in the driveway, what does it tell you?” “That Daddy’s home!” he responded. “And how do you feel when you realize that Daddy’s home?” I asked. “Happy!” He didn’t miss a beat. “OK. So you feel really happy just knowing that Daddy’s home. But he could be in the barn or the garage or even watering trees. Now… how do you feel when you hear him actually walk through the back door?” I asked. He thought about it for just few second before his little face lit up. “Even better!” he exclaimed. Score. I know it’s not even close to a perfect analogy, but I was pretty happy because I think it clicked with him that God’s kingdom in us is already wonderful, but that it will get even better when Jesus comes back to make all things new.]

And as a side note to music’s ability to teach, I’ve also loved using Bryan Moyer Suderman’s songs in our more formal teaching times. This week we were reading about God’s giving of the Ten Commandments and I was able to explain them using Suderman’s song, “When God’s in Charge.” We also regularly sing “I will Bless You” to reflect on God’s covenant with Abraham. Recently Adam was asking why we don’t waste electricity and I used “Get in the Groove” (a song about sabbath) along with a video showing mountaintop removal (an extreme form of coal mining) to talk about how God desires that even the land be given opportunities to rest.

I’ve made my kids’ morning playlist public for Spotify users (a free version can be downloaded from the App store or from Spotify’s website), but anyone can see it and hear shorter clips through my blog. Please share any other artists or groups that your family enjoys in the comment section, along with other ideas for how you “clear the air” in your own home. And I’m finishing with a few photos as evidence that life can be good even when Momma feels grumpy. Today as I looked through my recent photos I was struck by God’s grace displayed in the difference between my emotions and my kids’ experiences, this last week. Here’s to the power of music!

 

 

What if some grass said to a tree “You’re not a very good tree because people can’t walk on you”? Many members, one body

April 19, 2018 /

The kids and I have recently been talking about God’s design in making us all so different. It all started one day in the van. Earlier that morning I’d been reading Romans 12:4-8 where Paul taught

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness (emphasis mine).

So while driving I was still thinking about all of this and decided to take advantage of my captive audience. “Adam, would you like to hear what I read in my devotions, this morning?” I know the day will come when he no longer wants to talk with me as much as what he does now, so I’m trying to embrace this season. “Yeah! What was it?!” he asked. “Well,” I explained, “Paul was comparing the church to a person’s body. Just like a knee is different than a hand, and a hand is different than a foot, he said that God made all of us differently so that by all working together we could give God’s love to the world. Adam, what if your mouth said to your eye, ‘you’re not a very good eye because you can’t chew up food’?” He had to think about this for a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. As if on cue, he exclaimed, “Eyes aren’t supposed to chew up food! Eyes are for seeing!” And so I asked, “Well, what if your nose said to your ear, ‘you’re not a good ear because you can’t smell this delicious pizza’?” “Ears aren’t for smelling!” he laughed. “God made ears for hearing!” We soon moved to things we saw out the windows. “What if a car said to a house, ‘you’re not a very good house because people can’t drive you to the grocery store’?” one of us asked. At one point in our “game” I asked, “Adam, what if Mommy said to Daddy, ‘You’re not a very good daddy because you can’t nurse babies!'” Of course, he just thought was hilarious while I was experiencing God’s conviction at the number of times I’ve criticized my husband’s  difficulty in soothing a crying child.

Several days later we were driving when Adam asked me out of the blue, “Hey Mom, what if some grass said to a tree ‘You’re not a very good tree, because people can’t walk on you’?” I chortled in delighted encouragement. We’ve played this game on several occasions since. He, of course, loves the silliness of it all. I love that each time we play my kids are internalizing the biblical truth that we are each God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus in a very specific way to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

This truth has brought me such freedom in the last year. On the day of my grandfather’s funeral, I felt that I was coming up very short next to my older sister. She was playing with a group of kids (mine included) while I bemoaned the fact that I could never be so energetic, silly, and fun. But then I thought about all of Adam’s recent questions about death. I think most would have struggled with impatience, whereas I had easily welcomed them. We’ve always laughed that one of my sister’s early memories was how I drove her crazy by asking “why?” In that moment, I understood that we all have the capacity for giving our children incredible gifts, but that these gifts differ between families. My sister’s kids (as well as my own) have benefited from all of her energy, optimism, and playfulness, whereas I can give mine (and hopefully hers!) the space to think, reflect, ask questions, search out answers, and share what’s on their hearts.

However, we are only able to offer these gifts by choosing to exercise them. My pastor once challenged me to spend more time operating in my strengths than trying to improve my weaknesses. Whenever the apostle Paul addressed diversity in the body, he commanded believers to serve one another by faithfully using their individual gifts so that together they would glorify God (see Ephesians 4:7-16 and 1 Corinthians 12).  In Your Special Gift Max Lucado describes a village of wooden people who are struggling to complete a project because each is trying to do something for which he or she is not equipped. Finally, they decide to seek the help of the woodcarver, who tells them, “Each of you should do the most what you do the best.” I’m not giving my best when I’m focusing on the areas where I feel most inadequate. My gaze is then inward instead of outward. Not only will I  never win the ‘fun aunt award,’ I’m also failing to invest in my nieces and nephews by offering what I do have to give.

So in our home, this has meant that I’ve been prioritizing an after breakfast routine where the kids work on a craft or do something tactile (like play dough or slime) while I drink a cappuccino and read from one of their Bible storybooks. It’s also during this time that we work on guarding our hearts through Scripture memorization. The kids look forward it as an anchor point in our mornings. Then throughout the day I invite them into most of my work around the house. Our family produces a lot of our own food so our kids are intimately involved in both growing and preparing what ends up on our dinner table. They love helping me unload the dishwasher, do laundry, and grocery shop. I love having them involved… But I outsource play. That’s a bit tongue and cheek, but not completely; I’m very happy to encourage friendships and look for babysitters who are especially imaginative and playful!

For some of my friends this has meant establishing a lot of purposeful structure. Others go on adventures most days. Some parents love homeschooling. Other families thrive when the kids are in more traditional school settings. One of my friends is particularly encouraging of her children. Several are natural teachers. One is really good at offering consistency in her discipline. Yet another is known for choosing a pace that allows her to really see people, and in so doing she’s teaching her children to do the same. My family has benefited from each of these women’s influence in my life. What aspects of parenting do you most enjoy? What comes most naturally to you? Doing more of it will be a gift not only to your own children but also to your faith community and to the world.

Comparing myself to others has held me back for so long. It is for this reason, especially, that I get excited about celebrating the unique gifts of my young children. But for now, Adam just thinks we’re being silly.

How will Jesus get Grandad’s body out of the ground?

April 12, 2018 /

The single event that has had the greatest impact on our family’s conversations was probably my grandfather’s death. Adam had just turned 3. We live on a small farm and only weeks before had brought home 8 piglets in order to process them in the fall. For this reason we’d begun talking about how when living things die their bodies feed other living things. We had also just hatched out 15 baby chicks, one of which ended up dying. When my son asked if we were going to eat her I explained that no, Daddy had buried her body in the ground. He was rightfully confused by this, so I described how we had covered the chick’s body with soil so that it could give life to the worms and bugs.

Thus, one of his first questions upon hearing of Grandad’s death was “Who is going to eat him? Will it be the worms and the bugs?” Praying for wisdom, I explained that Grandad’s spirit was now alive with Jesus, but that we were going to put his body in a special box called a coffin that would be lowered into the ground, buried, and left there. I then proceeded to share how someday Jesus will return to make all things new. When that happens, he will make Grandad’s body alive, again!*

Outside of this very particular context, I probably wouldn’t have talked with my three year old about death, heaven, and the promised restoration of all things. But I think we were simply walking out Deuteronomy 6:4-9, which instructs parents to talk with their kids about the Lord as they go about their daily lives. Adam continued to ask a lot of questions, especially about the burial. Thankfully, my mom is a retired school counselor so I was able to check in with her when I felt insecure about our responses.

That summer and fall a lot of Adam’s play had to do with death. He would put a stuffed animal into a box and then ask me to attach strings onto the corners so that we could lower it into a “grave.” But we would also pretend that we were seeing Jesus returning on the clouds. He still asks when each of us is going to die. I tell him that most people die when they’re really old, like his great-grandpa. He then asks when he’ll be really old, and I explain that he will likely grow up to become a teenager, and then a young man. He might then get married and become a daddy, and then a grandpa, and then a great grandpa. I often conclude by smiling and widening my eyes, a bit, before saying something like, “and then when it’s time for our bodies to die, our spirits will get to be with Jesus until he returns to make all things new! And then, everyone who loves him will come alive, again, to be with him forever!” My goal is always to hold in tension the need to relieve his anxiety, while also refusing to promise things that could leave him feeling blindsided should tragedy occur. I also want him to internalize the truth that our physical deaths are not the end of our stories.

One of my son’s recurring questions has been how Jesus will get Grandad’s body out of the ground. “Will he dig him up?” Adam wonders. I typically respond by slowing down, widening my eyes, and whispering with a mixture of excitement and wonder, “We don’t know how God’s going to do it; that’s one of the mysteries! We just know that the Bible says God will.”

One deficit of our modern, technological, post-enlightenment culture is that we don’t leave room for much of the mystery that the human spirit intuitively respects. Lately I have been learning to express confidence in God while articulating all that I don’t yet understand. We do ourselves a disservice when we either claim to know more than what we do, or when we believe our lack of understanding is necessarily a problem to be solved. The apostle Paul claimed that “now we see in a mirror dimly, but [someday we shall see] face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known” (1 Cor. 13:12). I was recently struck by Paul’s outburst at the end of Romans 11: “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!” Whereas we tend to see God’s inscrutability  as a barrier for faith, Paul indicated that our lack of understanding (coupled with confidence in God’s goodness) could actually inspire faith! All of that is to say that I’m very careful to say “I don’t know” when I don’t know. But I try to communicate delight in these mysteries, as opposed to resignation.

I wanted to write this post not so much to share about my grandpa’s death, as much as to give you context for so many of our recent conversations. If you do know children who are walking through personal grief The Dougy Center, Centering Corporation, and Compassion Books all provide age-appropriate resources for bereaved families. Local Hospice organizations often offer support groups for kids and would know of other local resources. Please do not use this post about worldview to gloss over a young child’s very real experiences of grief and loss!

May God bless you with sensitivity, grace, and wisdom as you experience the brokenness of this world with the little disciples God has entrusted into your care!

 

* My theology of heaven, Jesus’ return, and the earth’s future has been largely shaped by NT Wright’s Surprised by Hope. I will warn you that it is fairly academic. John Eldridge has recently written a book entitled All Things New that presents a similar theological perspective in an entirely different style. If you are interested in either of these, you may want to read reviews to determine which would be a better fit. I would say Wright is thorough and systematic whereas Eldridge is more emotive and imaginitive (much of the book is quotations from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings series and Lewis’ Narnia books).



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