The kids and I have recently been talking about God’s design in making us all so different. It all started one day in the van. Earlier that morning I’d been reading Romans 12:4-8 where Paul taught
For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness (emphasis mine).
So while driving I was still thinking about all of this and decided to take advantage of my captive audience. “Adam, would you like to hear what I read in my devotions, this morning?” I know the day will come when he no longer wants to talk with me as much as what he does now, so I’m trying to embrace this season. “Yeah! What was it?!” he asked. “Well,” I explained, “Paul was comparing the church to a person’s body. Just like a knee is different than a hand, and a hand is different than a foot, he said that God made all of us differently so that by all working together we could give God’s love to the world. Adam, what if your mouth said to your eye, ‘you’re not a very good eye because you can’t chew up food’?” He had to think about this for a few seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. As if on cue, he exclaimed, “Eyes aren’t supposed to chew up food! Eyes are for seeing!” And so I asked, “Well, what if your nose said to your ear, ‘you’re not a good ear because you can’t smell this delicious pizza’?” “Ears aren’t for smelling!” he laughed. “God made ears for hearing!” We soon moved to things we saw out the windows. “What if a car said to a house, ‘you’re not a very good house because people can’t drive you to the grocery store’?” one of us asked. At one point in our “game” I asked, “Adam, what if Mommy said to Daddy, ‘You’re not a very good daddy because you can’t nurse babies!'” Of course, he just thought was hilarious while I was experiencing God’s conviction at the number of times I’ve criticized my husband’s difficulty in soothing a crying child.
Several days later we were driving when Adam asked me out of the blue, “Hey Mom, what if some grass said to a tree ‘You’re not a very good tree, because people can’t walk on you’?” I chortled in delighted encouragement. We’ve played this game on several occasions since. He, of course, loves the silliness of it all. I love that each time we play my kids are internalizing the biblical truth that we are each God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus in a very specific way to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).
This truth has brought me such freedom in the last year. On the day of my grandfather’s funeral, I felt that I was coming up very short next to my older sister. She was playing with a group of kids (mine included) while I bemoaned the fact that I could never be so energetic, silly, and fun. But then I thought about all of Adam’s recent questions about death. I think most would have struggled with impatience, whereas I had easily welcomed them. We’ve always laughed that one of my sister’s early memories was how I drove her crazy by asking “why?” In that moment, I understood that we all have the capacity for giving our children incredible gifts, but that these gifts differ between families. My sister’s kids (as well as my own) have benefited from all of her energy, optimism, and playfulness, whereas I can give mine (and hopefully hers!) the space to think, reflect, ask questions, search out answers, and share what’s on their hearts.
However, we are only able to offer these gifts by choosing to exercise them. My pastor once challenged me to spend more time operating in my strengths than trying to improve my weaknesses. Whenever the apostle Paul addressed diversity in the body, he commanded believers to serve one another by faithfully using their individual gifts so that together they would glorify God (see Ephesians 4:7-16 and 1 Corinthians 12). In Your Special Gift Max Lucado describes a village of wooden people who are struggling to complete a project because each is trying to do something for which he or she is not equipped. Finally, they decide to seek the help of the woodcarver, who tells them, “Each of you should do the most what you do the best.” I’m not giving my best when I’m focusing on the areas where I feel most inadequate. My gaze is then inward instead of outward. Not only will I never win the ‘fun aunt award,’ I’m also failing to invest in my nieces and nephews by offering what I do have to give.
So in our home, this has meant that I’ve been prioritizing an after breakfast routine where the kids work on a craft or do something tactile (like play dough or slime) while I drink a cappuccino and read from one of their Bible storybooks. It’s also during this time that we work on guarding our hearts through Scripture memorization. The kids look forward it as an anchor point in our mornings. Then throughout the day I invite them into most of my work around the house. Our family produces a lot of our own food so our kids are intimately involved in both growing and preparing what ends up on our dinner table. They love helping me unload the dishwasher, do laundry, and grocery shop. I love having them involved… But I outsource play. That’s a bit tongue and cheek, but not completely; I’m very happy to encourage friendships and look for babysitters who are especially imaginative and playful!
For some of my friends this has meant establishing a lot of purposeful structure. Others go on adventures most days. Some parents love homeschooling. Other families thrive when the kids are in more traditional school settings. One of my friends is particularly encouraging of her children. Several are natural teachers. One is really good at offering consistency in her discipline. Yet another is known for choosing a pace that allows her to really see people, and in so doing she’s teaching her children to do the same. My family has benefited from each of these women’s influence in my life. What aspects of parenting do you most enjoy? What comes most naturally to you? Doing more of it will be a gift not only to your own children but also to your faith community and to the world.
Comparing myself to others has held me back for so long. It is for this reason, especially, that I get excited about celebrating the unique gifts of my young children. But for now, Adam just thinks we’re being silly.
