when they ask

shaping children's faith through story

Tag: faith formation

Mommy, why does she have a wife?

August 27, 2022 /

If I had been asked this question four years ago, I wouldn’t have known what to say. But one day at a playground with friends, another mom asked what I thought about same-sex marriage. I told her I didn’t know. I’d grown up thinking that homosexuality was a sin. But some of my favorite seminary professors taught that we had misinterpreted the Bible, and that consensual gay sex wasn’t wrong. So I really didn’t know what to think. But I was ok with that; I’ve never felt the need to have an opinion on everything. I’d spent the past several years creating a home and raising babies. I was wrestling with sleep training, not sexual identity.

But her question got me thinking. Not having an opinion on social and political issues, or analyzing someone else’s relationship with God, was one thing when talking with adults. But being unprepared for important conversations with my kids felt like quite another. I knew the time was coming when it would be they, and not my married friends, who would be asking these questions. And if I learned anything in seminary, it was that early messages matter. So I began reading and listening, first to straight theologians and pastors, but then to those who have personally wrestled with their sexual and gender identities. They have come to various conclusions as to the Bible’s teaching on sexuality. But all of their stories have been gifts to me, both challenging my assumptions and helping to clarify my understanding of God’s word. And now the time has come for me to actually communicate these convictions to my kids.

In full disclosure, we haven’t had this entire conversation yet. I’ve often heard the advice to keep things simple. So we’ve only talked about bits and pieces of these topics, as they’ve come up. Nevertheless, I know that the new school year will likely bring new questions, so I want to be prepared to communicate well when the time comes. Our kids pick up on our discomfort with hard topics. So my hope is that in really thinking through and articulating these things, now, I can communicate simply and honestly, when it really matters. Because as Stan and Brenna Jones have articulated in How and When to Tell your Kids about Sex, first messages are the most potent.

And so I offer my words to you, friends, that they might spur you on to think through your own responses to these hard questions. For the sake of clarity, I’ve written the child’s questions in bold, with my responses in regular type. Also, I should note that my kids are in the first and second grades. I know that this will be an evolving conversation and will look very different after we’ve talked in more depth about puberty and sexual desire. But prior to having those major conversations about those topics, this is how I will likely respond to their questions now.

Mommy, why does she have a wife?

This is one of those areas where we believe that the Bible teaches something different than what most people in our broader culture believe. In our country, marriage is seen as a special promise between two people who love each other, no matter who they are. That means that anybody can get married, whether they are men or women. We agree that marriage is a special promise, but believe that the Bible describes Christian marriage as a unique relationship bringing together a man and a woman to become a new family.

But why does it have to be a man and a woman? Well, can you remember what the Bible says will happen when Jesus’ returns to the earth on the clouds? He’ll make all things new and be with us forever? That’s right! Jesus’ coming is described as a wedding, and the Church is called “the Bride of Christ.” So the Bible says that human marriage between a man and a woman- taking two people who are fundamentally different, and uniting them together to make a new family- is a picture of how someday God will bring Jesus and the church together. So since this is what marriage represents- God bringing together two things that are completely different- two men or two women don’t reflect that.

But what if I don’t care about representing Jesus? Can I just have a regular marriage? Doesn’t God just want us to love others? Hmmm. Those are really good questions. And the simple answer is yes, when you grow up, you’ll be able to marry whoever you like, whether a man or woman. But here’s the thing. God made our hearts to be most deeply satisfied when we’re following God’s good plans for our lives.

And I don’t believe that marriage between two men or two women is God’s best plan. So I don’t think that will lead to your deepest joy. I love being married to your dad, but my moments of deepest joy are when I’m feeling close to God. If you, Adam, don’t want to marry a woman, or if you, Lydia, don’t want to marry a man, that tells me that God’s good plan for your lives doesn’t include marriage, at least not then. Can you think of people we know or have read about who have done amazing things without being married? Daniel, Jesus, the apostle Paul in the Bible, and then Corrie Ten Boom, Harriet Tubman, Gladys Allyward, Eric Liddell, Amy Carmichael, Christopher Yuan, and your friends Kathy, Jeni, and Miss Cheryl? Great remembering! And what are some things they’ve been able to do because they weren’t married? (with significant prompting, I imagine!) Daniel served in the royal court of Babylon. Paul traveled around the world telling people about Jesus. Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsy hid Jewish people in their secret room. Harriet Tubman led hundreds of slaves to freedom on the Underground Railroad. Gladys Allyward traveled around China unbinding little girls’ feet and then led 100 children through the mountains to safety during a war. Eric Liddell won a gold medal in the Olympics and then became a missionary. Amy Carmichael rescued girls from being temple slaves and became their mother. Christopher Yuan travels all over speaking in churches and teaching people how to follow Jesus. Kathy was a college professor who loved her students and helped them believe in themselves. Jeni is a missionary who helps women who used to be slaves. Miss Cheryl shares God’s love with homeless people and wants to tell people about Jesus in jails. That’s right! God does want us to love others. And being married and raising children are one of the main ways many people love and serve one another. But marriage isn’t the only way to love people. And God has made some special people to love and serve others without being married. Sometimes we call this “singleness.” These people often have more energy to love those outside of their own families.

But I love my friends. Does that make me gay? No, loving your friends doesn’t make you gay because there are different kinds of love. My love for pizza is very different than my love for your Daddy! The Bible actually uses 4 different Greek words that are all translated into the English word, “love.” Three of them— “storge,” which is how babies love their mommies, “phillia,” which is the love between good friends, and “agape,” which is the unconditional love of God—are wonderful for boys to feel for other boys, and girls to feel for other girls. In fact, God made us to love each other in these 3 ways! But the 4th kind of love, “eros,” is a different, romantic kind of love that makes grown ups want share their entire bodies with each other, the way God designed people to do in marriage. That’s the kind of love that Daddy and I have only for each other. And that kind of love- eros- should only grow between one man and one woman.

So is God mad at gay people? Absolutely not! But tell me what you mean by “gay people.” That’s a tricky phrase that can mean a couple of different things. I’m meaning people who want to marry someone like themselves- a man who wants to marry another man, or a woman who wants to marry another woman. That’s a great clarification; thank you for explaining what you meant! First of all, it’s not a sin for a man to want to marry another man, or for a woman to want to marry another woman. Wanting something that God says “no” to is a temptation, not a sin. The Bible says that even Jesus was tempted to want things that God said “no” to in the wilderness, and He was the perfect son of God! All of us are tempted to want things that aren’t God’s best for us. At night when you go to bed I’m tempted to make myself a batch of chocolate chip cookies! And is God angry with me for being tempted? No way! Does being tempted show how bad I am? No way! The Bible says that God loves us and is with us, helping us to stand firm when we’re being tempted to want what isn’t God’s best for us.

But what about when I choose to ignore the Holy Spirit’s help, and I don’t stand firm? Is God mad then?  Well, what does the Bible tell us in Psalm 103? The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever. He does not treat us as our sins deserve, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His love for those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Yeah. The Bible says that it was while we were still separated from God that Jesus died for us. God is love. So even if people are ignoring God, God still loves them.

But aren’t they bad, since they haven’t asked Jesus to forgive them? They may be separated from God, but that doesn’t make them bad. There are still many areas of their lives that beautifully reflect God, because they were created in God’s image. So I believe they bring God glory just by being who God designed them to be! The way they “storge love” and “phillia love” one another, and how they serve one another reflects God. The way they welcome others into their home reflects God. The way they’re caring for children glorifies God. There are many parts of their lives that are very good, because they were made in God’s image. But even though there are many ways in which they do reflect God, I don’t believe their “eros love,” or their marriage, is one of them. But let me ask you a question: We’re created in God’s image, too. But are any of us good enough to be saved without Jesus? No. That’s right. We are all created in the image of God, and we all need Jesus to forgive our sin so that we can be with him forever.

But they’re not followers of Jesus, right? That’s a really tough one. Let me ask you a question. When I was impatient with you, this morning, was that a sin? Yes. And did it stop me from being a Christian? No. What about you, when you got mad and hit me, yesterday, was that a sin? Yes. Were you still a child of God? Yes. Now, when I was impatient with you and when you hit me, were we reflecting Jesus? No. And what were the consequences? We hurt one another and felt lonely. Right. So we can sin, and even have consequences for sin, while still being children of God.

Now, the Bible also says that if we know God’s word and continuously choose to ignore God, that is really serious, because when the Holy Spirit is working in our hearts, God changes us to become more like Jesus. It doesn’t mean that we’re perfect. But it does mean that we’re wanting to become more like Him.

So I don’t know if they’re followers of Jesus because I don’t know their hearts.

The other tricky thing is that while the Bible is perfectly true, our understanding of it is not. The apostle Paul says it’s like looking through a glass dimly, which always makes me think of a foggy window. And some of the Greek words in the Bible can actually mean different things. It’s like in our book about archeology– scientists take everything that they know- there’s a bone, here, and an arrowhead, here, and spots where the poles were, here, and a burned spot there- and they put together the pieces to show what life was probably like a long time ago. But there’s a chance that they haven’t gotten the pieces together quite right because they weren’t actually there. Now, does their misunderstanding of the truth change what actually happened? No. Well, it can be a little like that when understanding the Bible. God’s word is completely true. God doesn’t change based on what we think. So we do our best to know God by understanding God’s word! And most of the Bible is clear. But since it was written in a different time, language, and culture, there are some things we just don’t understand, yet.

Our church believes that God’s plan for Christian marriage is to be between one man and one woman. But there are other churches that believe differently. I disagree with them, but anyone who says that they love Jesus with all their hearts and whose lives show the evidence of the Holy Spirit’s fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, sure looks like a follower of Jesus to me! I believe following God’s design for marriage and singleness is very important. But I can’t say that someone else isn’t following Jesus because we disagree about this.

We just can’t know what God is doing in someone else’s life. It’s like in The Horse and His Boy, when Shasta asks Aslan what happened to Aravis. Do you remember how Aslan responds? He says he’s telling Shasta his own story, and that he doesn’t tell anyone anybody’s story except his own. Yeah. It reminds me of the story in the Bible when Jesus is talking to Peter after being raised from the dead. It’s in John 21. Jesus had just told Peter that someday Peter would be killed the way Jesus, himself, had been killed. Peter sees John and asks Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.” This tells me that it’s usually not our job to figure out what God is doing in someone else’s life or what God wants them to do. But we are responsible to obey what God is saying to us. And we think the Bible says that gay marriage is wrong for followers of Jesus. Our choices are either to marry someone of the opposite sex or to discover all of the good that God has for us in singleness.


Alright, grownups Remember that this is going to be an evolving conversation with many layers. So the way I’ve responded to young elementary kids might be overly simplistic in just a few years. Or this may be way too much for your kids. Nevertheless, I believe these to be important foundations that will both satisfy my kids’ questions and can be later built upon as they grow and encounter new situations. In summary, here are a few of my key convictions that I want to make sure my kids catch.

  • God loves all people. Created in God’s image, all people reflect God’s goodness and are worthy of respect. As a group, straight Christians have too often failed to live out this truth of God’s love for LGBTQ people. So we have a lot of baggage to work through before this love will be easily received. Furthermore, within many evangelical churches our kids will naturally pick up on prejudicial attitudes toward the LGBTQ community unless we are intentional in dismantling both the theology and pride and that can lead to straight people’s feelings of superiority, and same-sex attracted kids’ feelings of shame and inferiority. So this is an area to which we’ll need to give particular attention as our kids grow.
  • Many followers of Jesus experience same-sex attraction. Most people would describe this experience as being gay. Our kids may be among those who love the Lord with their whole hearts, souls, minds, and strength and yet find themselves wrestling with their sexuality (and gender identities).
  • In our country, marriage is seen as a special promise between two people who love each other, no matter who they are. That means that anybody can get married, whether they’re men or women. We agree that marriage is a special promise, but believe that the Bible describes Christian marriage as a unique relationship bringing together a man and a woman to become a new family.
  • If a man doesn’t want to marry a woman, we believe that God has good plans for him as a single man. If a woman doesn’t want to marry a man, we believe that God has good plans for her as a single woman. Though we agree with the broader culture that sexual desire isn’t chosen and insist upon the truth that God loves and accepts gay people just as they are, we disagree with the logic that homosexual desires are therefore worthy of being pursued.
  • The Bible is perfectly true, but our interpretation / understanding of is not. Thus, Christians believe different things about marriage. We are each responsible to God, both for our convictions and our behavior.

Dear God, thank You for allowing us to have these important conversations with our kids! Thank You for Your word, and thank You for the men and women who have humbly and courageously shared their stories of wrestling with sexual identity. Thank You for the ways in which their testimonies are helping us better understand Your word and are bearing fruit in the lives of our children. Bless them today. Please forgive us and our communities for ways in which we’ve misrepresented You and failed to love our neighbors as ourselves. And bless these parents and their children. We trust you to guide us as we raise our kids to engage their world with Your grace and truth. May we be people who rest in Your love, extend Your welcome, and are excited by Your good plans for our lives. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Family Seder 2020

April 6, 2020 /

Imagine thousands of families, each huddled together in homes, collectively praying, hoping, and waiting for death to pass them by. Who could have believed that the children of Israel’s first Passover would be so easy for us to imagine, today? Though we are not Jewish, my husband and I have commemorated this event in Israel’s history for several years (see our rationale here). Typically we invite friends to join us in our celebration, but this year will obviously look quite different. Nevertheless, I’m so thankful to be able to gather my own for an evening of remembrance, thereby anchoring our own lives in the unchanging truth of the Bigger Story.

I’m sure this script will see several edits in the coming days, but I offer it now as we’re all thinking through how to approach Easter at home. So to begin, here’s what you’ll need to have for the symbolic foods-

  • Red wine or grape juice
  • Unleavened bread (flour, oil, salt)
  • Bitter herbs (We’ll use dandelion, dock, and dead nettle, all common weeds in our yard.)
  • Fresh vegetable (We’ll use kale from our garden, but celery, potatoes, and parsley are commonly used.)
  • Charoset (apples, walnuts, honey or brown sugar, sweet wine or grape juice)

Family Seder 2020

After lighting candles, I’ll begin by explaining, Tonight we remember God rescuing his people from death. Our Seder is based on the Jewish Passover meal that Jesus ate with his disciples on the night he was betrayed. Every year during Passover, families would gather in their homes—just like we’re doing now—to eat special foods that reminded them of the very first Passover, when God brought his people out of slavery in Egypt. So now these same foods help us remember that Jesus saves us, as well. Daddy is going to begin by praying for us, and then you’ll take turns asking your questions as we eat these special foods.

How is this night different than every other night? On other nights we eat salads and vegetables, but why on this night are we just eating bitter herbs?

Tonight we eat dandelion greens and dock to remind us of the bitterness of the Israelite’s slavery in Egypt, as well as the bitterness of our own bondage to sin… Like the very first Passover, we are gathered in our home, experiencing the bitterness of living in a broken world ravaged by sickness, violence, and death. So now we’ll eat these greens quietly as we think about the bitterness of sin (eat the bitter herbs in silence).

On other nights we don’t get to dip our foods even once, but why on this night do we dip twice?

The first time we dip, we are dipping our kale in saltwater to remind us of the Israelites’ salty tears while living in Egypt. But we also think about our own tears, living in frail bodies still impacted by the fall. Romans 8 says that we groan right along with all of creation as we eagerly await the full redemption of our bodies, when Jesus will come back to restore the world and make all things new.

And this is why we dip, the second time. Instead of dipping in salt water to represent our tears, we’ll dip our unleavened bread in sweet charoset. When Jesus returns he will wipe every tear from his people’s eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, but only the joy of being with Jesus forever!

On other nights we drink only water, but why on this night are we drinking wine and sparkling grape juice?

In the Bible, wine represents blood. So during Passover, we remember that God’s salvation comes through death. Back in Egypt, God kept his people safe by telling them to sacrifice a lamb. Now our lives are eternally safe through the blood of Jesus. Yet mysteriously, unless Jesus comes back first, it is only through our own deaths that we will enter into the joy of being alive with him forever.

But wine also symbolizes celebration. During their Passover dinner, when Jesus gave wine to his disciples, he promised them that even though he was preparing to die, someday he would drink wine, again, at the marriage supper of the lamb! So as we drink our wine and grape juice, let’s remember both Jesus’ sacrifice and his promise (drink wine and/ or juice).

On other nights we eat sourdough bread, but why on this night are we eating unleavened bread?

Normally we let our bread rise all day before we bake it into a nice, puffy loaf. But tonight we eat unleavened—or unrisen—bread to remember how the Israelites waited and waited for God’s rescue, but then when it was finally the time for their deliverance, they left Egypt fast, not even waiting for their bread to rise!

For followers of Jesus, the bread also reminds us of Jesus, the bread of life. During the last supper he took the bread, broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying “This is my body, given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”

So let us eat while remembering how quickly God delivered his people from Egypt, and also how Jesus’ life was freely given so that we might live (eat matzo).

And now, we get to eat all of these things together (begin preparing a piece of matzo, topped with bitter herbs and charoset)! Like matzo, bitter herbs, and sweet apple charoset, our lives aren’t usually just bitter or just sweet, but a mixture of many different circumstances and emotions, often experienced all together. But whatever comes, by faith we can trust in Jesus’ promise to be with us always, along with Paul’s conviction that nothing could separate us from his love.

When everyone is ready for the main course, we’ll then recite the Lord’s prayer and then eat a family-style dinner, together.

May God bless you as you seek God with your loved ones, this holiest and most devastating of weeks!

Why didn’t God save Stephen?

October 17, 2019 /

I think our kids need to hear about the martyrdom of Stephen. Mine are too young for all of the details, but even at 3 and 5 they can begin to see different ways in which Jesus’ promise to be with his disciples always holds true, even when the rescue doesn’t come. As an aside, I don’t know that I would have chosen to talk much about death, yet, if our grandparents’ deaths hadn’t already forced it. Nevertheless, at some point all of our kids need to hear about God’s faithful presence in death because they’ve already heard so many other biblical stories of God’s heroic rescue from death.

Let me explain. In a cursory reading, the Bible may not be immediately reflective of our experiences as followers of Christ. Woah. Wait. What?! By no means am I challenging Scripture’s truthfulness or relevancy. But by its very nature the Bible tells the noteworthy stories in Israel’s history. It compresses entire lifetimes into a few pages of highlights, years of waiting and struggle into a single sentence. But that sentence is often where we live.

Therefore, by faithfully reading these Bible stories to our children, I think we can unintentionally set them up for disappointment by constructing a world in which God always acts in these miraculous ways when we faith-fully pray for them.

And let’s be honest; this disappointment can devastate our faith.

But God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, God’s ways higher than ours. And we still live in a deeply fallen world. So stories like Stephen’s (told in Acts 6-7) can give our children a template for believing God’s promises and expecting God’s presence even through suffering.

And that template can save their faith.

As I was telling my own kids this story, my three year old asked if God sent an angel to shut the angry men’s mouths (as God had with the lions in Daniel’s den, which we’d read earlier that morning). “No, this time God did not send an angel to rescue him… This time, God’s Holy Spirit filled his heart and opened his eyes to see Jesus!” Though I hadn’t before considered the value in doing so, in that moment I felt so thankful for the chance to begin shaping my kids’ imaginations to expect God’s presence in death.

Our kids are going to suffer. People for whom they pray will probably die. They may even be persecuted. So let us resist the tendency to tell stories only of God’s miraculous intervention. Let us also tell these harder stories now, that our kids’ faith might be better prepared to stand through the storms that will inevitably come.

And now for full disclosure... I didn't have the brilliant idea of introducing my preschoolers to Christianity's first martyr on my own. We're going through the book of Acts in Bible Study Fellowship, and it just so happened that I was assigned to teach this lesson to a group of 3-4 year olds. It felt quite daunting, but I obviously came to love the story. Here's my script for that lesson, if anyone wants a better idea of how I taught it, hopefully in an age-appropriate way!

The life-changing magic of Showing Up

August 14, 2019 /

God does good things when I show up. This morning I was the last of my family to roll out of bed. That’s never a good start. So after getting my husband off to work and our initial chores done, my kids settled into playing while I took a cappuccino back to my room for morning prayer. It wasn’t magical. And I kind of dreaded coming out. I didn’t even have a good plan for the day. But my prayer time focused on leadership and my primary context is within my own family. So out I went.

When we finally sat down to eat, there was a part of me that was tempted to skip the various elements of our breakfast routine, which often include a hymn, some Scripture memory, and a Bible story. Sometimes I just get tired of being the one to initiate it all. But I didn’t skip it. I’m the leader. So I opened the hymnal.

I hadn’t even been sure about this month’s hymn, Holy God, We Praise Thy Name. The text is very theological and my kids have only recently turned 3 and 5. But it’s actually been pretty wonderful, providing me space to worship our Holy God, while stirring up questions that my kids otherwise wouldn’t have thought to ask. For example, yesterday one of them asked about “cherubim and seraphim,” which took us to Isaiah 6’s description of God’s throne. It was pretty awesome.

So today Adam wondered, “Mom, how can God know what we are doing and thinking all the time?” And only then did God set fire to my tired heart and bring clarity to my chaotic mind. After a fun vocabulary lesson on omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, and omnibenevolence, one thing led to the next and we were talking about Christ’s lordship in human hearts. Based on things we’d already discussed in the hymn (“All on earth Thy scepter claim, All in heaven above adore Thee: Infinite Thy vast domain, Everlasting is Thy reign”) I explained that there is only one realm in the whole world where God’s Spirit does not ultimately reign unless invited. When I asked them where they thought that might be, my oldest actually guessed that I was talking about our hearts! Even my little kids seemed to understand that love, by definition, must be freely offered, and for that reason God created us with the ability to reject God’s love and authority.

That led into the next element. We’re very slowly going through Clay Clarkson’s Our 24 Family Ways, and this week we’re learning Way #6: We serve one another, humbly thinking of the needs of others first, with the associated verse, “Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). And so I transitioned, “even though God was all-powerful, Jesus chose to be born as a tiny baby. And did he choose to come so that everyone who lived on earth at that time would praise and serve him?” to which Adam very thoughtfully responded, “No, he came to die.” And then we talked about the curse of sin, the brokenness of this world, and the definition of ransom. It was so rich.

And then my kids started fighting because one of them took the last of the blueberries.

It was all unexpected, truly a morning of just showing up. So often when I choose to offer my fish and loaves, Jesus takes them into his hands, multiplies them, and then gives the abundance back to me so that I may experience the joy of being his hands and feet, extending his truth and love to my children.

I don’t share this because it is extraordinary, but rather because writing helps me give appropriate weight to the things that matter. Occasionally I am asked why I have not posted more regularly. One of the main reasons is that our days feel so very sacred and yet completely ordinary all at the same time. But today I’m writing it down, lest I forget these conversations that are being woven together to create the tapestry of our lives.

Thanks be to God!

Making Room Week 4: Personal Confession

March 23, 2019 /

Breathe. Last week was heavy for me. I know that I ended the video by calling us to worship, but the confession that precedes it is tough. How about you? How are you feeling, heading into this fourth week of Lent? Whereas we’ve been focusing on the Kingdom of God in our communities and world, this week we’ll be reflecting on our need for Jesus’ resurrection in each of our personal lives. For any who are just joining us, I’ve been working with an amazing team from my church on weekly videos to guide our congregation through Lent. Since I’m also leading my own young children (2 and 4) through the season, I’ve included additional resources below that we’re planning (or hoping!) to use on a more daily basis. Thanks for journeying with us!

Songs

Memorization

If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9)

Bible Stories*

  • Jesus’ gift of the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-27; 16:8)
  • Jesus is anointed/ Doctors heal the sick (Luke 7:36-40, 1 John 1:6-9)
  • Jesus chooses imperfect people [The calling of Matthew (Luke 5:27-32), restoration of Peter (John 21:15-19), and conversion of Paul (Acts 9:1-22)]
  • The Greatest 2 Commandments (Matthew 22:34-40)
  • Jesus is the Vine/ A New Commandment (John  15:1-12; 13:12-15, 34-35)

Activities

  • Practice / emphasize apologizing to and forgiving one another, this week. When you are impatient with your kids, tell them and ask for forgiveness!
  • Practice sharing Jesus’ love with others, this week. This could be a specific bigger project (like bringing in #10 cans to Summit) or just being aware of opportunities throughout your days.
  • Watch the 2007 movie about the transatlantic slave trade and author of our beloved hymn, Amazing Grace (Common Sense Media recommends this for those over 11 years old).
  • Pray with the physical “palms down, palms up” prayer posture described in Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline. He describes, “Begin by placing your palms down as a symbolic indication of your desire to turn over any concerns  you ay have. Inwardly you may pray, ‘Lord, I give you my anger toward John. I release my fear of my dentist appointment this morning…’ After several minutes of surrender, turn your palms up as a symbol of your desire to receive from the Lord. Perhaps you will pray silently: ‘Lord, I would like to receive your divine love for John, your peace about the dentist appointment, your patience, your joy…’” Posture is important! Try physically turning over your burdens of sin to the Lord and then physically open your hands to receive God’s forgiveness and love.

*More details about how our family plans to use these Bible stories can be found here.

We’re praying for you as you lead your little disciples to follow Jesus, this week!

Making Room: journeying together through Lent

March 6, 2019 /

A few weeks ago I was asked to help make weekly videos that can guide our church community through Lent. They will be primarily for teenagers and adults, but since I am walking through the season with my 2 and 4 year olds, we will also include some elements specifically chosen for them.

But first I have a confession. We’ve never done this. Yes, that’s right. This will be our family’s very first time practicing Lent, together!

So while I’ve been excited to plan it for the four of us, I really didn’t anticipate writing about it, this year… until the pastors asked me to help with the videos! So here we are. Perhaps this can encourage you to jump in and try something new, as well, because we really are all in this together!

For a year or so, the kids and I have been playing around with several different ways of nurturing our hearts and minds over breakfast or lunch. They’ve generally included some combination of eating, playing with play dough or slime, coloring, reading and conversation about Bible stories, pretending their Bible stories, learning a hymn, and memory work. Since I really love the rhythm we’ve established, I’m using a similar format during Lent. Therefore, we’ve chosen a theme for each of the videos (to be used by broader congregation), and then found additional songs, Bible stories, verses to memorize, and a few activities or projects to be used throughout the week specifically for kids. More details about how we anticipate using each of these can be found here. Finally, we’ll be listening to a Spotify playlist as we go about our day with songs that help us reflect on the weekly theme.

During this first partial week (beginning on Ash Wednesday) we will focus on habits and prayer. Overall, we are considering this Lenten season as an opportunity to cultivate the soil of our hearts, motivated by Jesus’ parable of the sower in Matthew 13 (and my weedy garden last summer). So in the video, I give an overview and then encourage people to pray about one established habit that they can set aside for the next 7 weeks (pulling weeds), and one new habit to begin (amending soil). And now, without further ado, here’s our first video and additional resources, with a huge thanks to the Summit Church team for producing both it and the graphic at the top of this post!

Songs

Memorization: Matthew 6:9-13

Bible Stories

  • Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23)
  • The Lord’s Prayer (Luke 11: 1, Matthew 6:9-13)
  • Solitude in Prayer (Matthew 6:5-8; Luke 6:12-13)

Activities

  • Plant flower or vegetable seeds
  • Choose family (or individual) habits to add and set aside
  • Create a special prayer closet, corner, or tent
  • Simplify meals (soup and bread)

Picture Books

How is tonight different than all other nights?

April 1, 2018 /

 

This week we invited three other families with young children to join us for a very simplified version of a Christian Seder. The evening was designed to engage our kids in the telling of redemption’s Story, so as to situate their own lives in the broader context of that continuing drama. If you aren’t familiar with this tradition, I’ve explained it more fully here.

Thus, eight adults and seven (very young!) children gathered around our dinner table, Thursday evening. One key aspect of a Seder is that the youngest child asks four questions which provide the framework for telling the Story. In keeping with the spirit of this tradition, we had assigned one question to each of our three year olds. So candles lit and table set, we joined other families around the world in detailing how this night is different than all other nights.

“Why do we drink wine and grape juice tonight?” Piper began. “Tonight we drink wine and grape juice,” I explained, “because at the last supper Jesus gave wine to his disciples, promising that someday he’d drink with them, again, at the marriage supper of the lamb! Until then, though, we drink remembering the new covenant—God’s promise of forgiveness—established through Jesus’ blood. And so we drink both in anticipation and in remembrance of him.”

And then came my son, “Why do we eat unleavened bread, tonight?” I’d assigned him this question knowing that we’d have just baked the bread together 2 hours prior. And so I explained what he already knew. “Normally we let our bread spend all day rising before we bake it into a nice, puffy loaf,” I smiled. “But tonight we eat unleavened—or unrisen—bread to remember how when the Israelites were freed from Egypt they had to leave quickly, not even having time for their bread to rise! Yeast has also come to represent sin, so on this night we remember Jesus, the sinless one, who said, ‘I am the bread of Life’ and ‘This is my body, broken for you.’ And so we eat, recalling both the Israelites’ freedom and Jesus’ love.”

Kai was next to ask, “Why are we eating bitter herbs, tonight?” Furrowing my brow I responded, “tonight we remember the bitterness of Pharaoh’s cruel slavery when the Israelites were in Egypt, as well as the bitterness of our bondage to sin.” Here my expression lightened and I tried to smile while explaining that we get to eat the bitter herbs with a sweet apple salad called charoset because God, who works all things together for the good of those who love him, can bring sweetness even out of the most bitter circumstances.

Finally it was Evy’s turn to wonder, “Why are we dipping our herbs twice, tonight?” Again, I tried to communicate yet another tension in our faith. “This salt water reminds us of the Israelites tears, whereas the parsley represents new life. We, too, experience sadness in this broken world, but Jesus promised that just as he was resurrected to new life, someday he will come back and make us new. In this day he will wipe away all of our tears and we will live with him forever!”

After these four questions we enjoyed a hearty meal of lamb, chicken, mashed potatoes, and roasted carrots (provided by all of the women present; when people offer to contribute I generally don’t refuse!). Toward the end of dinner I explained that about 40 years after Jesus died Jerusalem was attacked and the Jewish people were scattered into all different countries where they lived in exile for almost 1900 years. It was only 70 years ago, this spring, that they were finally able to go home. While  in these foreign countries, they ended each Passover meal by expressing the hope, “Next year in Jerusalem!” “We, too, are living as foreigners,” I reminded those around my table, “away from our eternal home with Jesus. So let us conclude with our own toast, ‘Next year in the New Jerusalem!’” And with that we toasted and ate dessert.

I felt really good about the night! The entire dinner lasted just over an hour, which was perfect for our little ones. I think the formative value in such a tradition isn’t so much the experience, in and of itself, but feeling included in a larger group and the repetition through the years. If you read my post about the crucifixion, you’ll appreciate that described some elements using language that would most likely go over young children’s heads, while allowing the evening to be meaningful for family members of all ages. I would have loved to incorporate more space for silent reflection, but with so many little ones we moved things along pretty quickly. Please feel free to use anything in this post that you find helpful! I developed my script borrowing from several websites, as well as my own sense of the story. The blog that I relied on most heavily was Ann Voskamp. Her liturgy is stunningly beautiful. I would love to borrow even more of it when our kids get a bit older, but given our context I didn’t feel I could be quite that poetic. But please check hers out!

He is Risen!

Why did they put thorns around Jesus’ head? Easter and shame

March 23, 2018 /

Last year I had tried to avoid teaching my two year old about the crucifixion, even talking with his Sunday School teachers before Palm Sunday and Easter in order to learn what would be covered in their lessons. My son discovered the illustrations from his children’s Bible on his own.

To quote Daniel Tiger, “I have mixed up feelings” in regards to celebrating Easter with little ones. My questions center around two concerns. First, most toddlers have had few experiences with death. Given their struggle to understand its finality, it seems confusing to introduce the concept using the story of a man who dies only to rise three days later. Second, I am uncomfortable teaching young children about personal sin, guilt, and substitutionary atonement during a developmental phase characterized by a growing awareness of shame and a yet emerging sense of self.

I know that sin has left humanity deeply flawed and in desperate need of salvation. Yet the very first thing the Bible tells us about people is that God described Adam and Eve as “very good.” So I want my children to be deeply rooted in their identity as beloved and created in the image of God before being taught that their personal sinfulness demanded Jesus’ suffering. I have wrestled with  shame my entire life. I can’t help but wonder if some of this wasn’t exacerbated by an early understanding that my sin was responsible for putting Jesus on the cross.

So how does our family do Holy Week? Last year we emphasized Easter as being when we celebrate God bringing new life. We wore new clothes,  celebrated new buds and flowers, and generally just tried to exude inordinate amounts of energy and joy. This year will be very different. In June my grandfather died. Someday I’ll write a post on that [update 2/18/18: How will Jesus get Grandad’s body out of the ground?], but its relevance to Easter is that death and resurrection have been prominent topics of conversation in our home, these last 9 months.  Several days ago I’d mentioned that strawberry season was coming up in June and my three year old asked if June is when Jesus will come back to make all things new!

In Surprised by Hope NT Wright shares the early Church’s understanding that “God was going to do for the whole cosmos what he had done for Jesus at Easter” (93). This has been our emphasis for the past year; someday Jesus is going to come back to make all things new. And when he does, those who loved Jesus (like my grandpa) will come alive again to be with him forever. We have been putting the crucifixion in this context. God created a perfect world; people chose to believe Satan’s lie instead of trusting God, ushering in brokenness, pain, and death; Jesus came to rescue us by trusting God where Adam and Eve failed; the leaders didn’t believe that Jesus was king and so they killed him; God made Jesus alive again; many of Jesus’ friends continue being imprisoned and killed because people still don’t believe that Jesus is king; someday Jesus will return to make all things new.

The Bible story book that we used first to tell the story of Easter was Read Aloud Bible Stories. I loved this one because all it says about the crucifixion is “What a sad day! Bad men didn’t like Jesus. They put him on a cross. And he died.” The rest of the story is about the resurrection. After that we used My First Bible by Good Books. It has since been republished as Lion First Bible. This one is much more involved, but doesn’t yet connect Jesus’ death with the children’s sinfulness. Finally, The Jesus Storybook Bible feels the heaviest of the three we’ve used, but I think it is excellent. It is the first to really mention the crucifixion’s role in God’s plan of redemption, but it is explained in its universal context as opposed to an individualistic one. After tracing sin’s destruction throughout the entire story of the Bible Jones comes to the point of Jesus’ death and explains, “The full force of the storm of God’s fierce anger at sin was coming down. On his own Son. Instead of his people. It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin” (307).

Of course this is just my opinion and our approach. This year when Adam asks “why” in reference to the particulars of the story (“Why did they put thorns around Jesus’ head? Why did they want him to die?”), I am generally responding with historical and political reasons, rather than theologically interpreted ones (“They were worried that people would start obeying Jesus instead of Caesar,” vs. “Jesus had to take the punishment for our sin.”). Next year will probably be completely different. Just in the last few weeks we’ve started identifying some of his behaviors and attitudes with “sin.” So by next year we may totally feel ready to discuss Jesus’ death in these terms. But for now we’re holding off. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section!

Will I keep people from becoming slaves?

March 15, 2018 /

This morning we read the biblical story of little David defeating the giant, Goliath. For the last week or two, a lot of my son’s play has centered around Pharaoh’s army being engulfed in the Red Sea. My three year old son is really into fighting. The first several times I noticed this I tried to discourage it, simply explaining that we don’t fight but rather love people. Having recently turned three, he was absolutely captivated by the story of David and Goliath. I do not know how many times I heard, “Send someone over hear to FIGHT ME!” It didn’t take me long to question my approach.

My parenting changed the day my son happily shared that his highlight had been teaming up with his best buddy in Sunday School to shoot the other kids in their class.  Having completely shielded him from all violence (outside of his children’s Bible) up until this point, I actually ordered Saint George and the Dragon that afternoon. Now instead of discouraging my son’s interest in fighting, I  look for opportunities to celebrate people who use their courage and strength to protect others. Since then we’ve played David and Goliath with play dough. We’ve played David and Goliath using balloons as stones. We’ve played David and Goliath with nothing but our imaginations. You get the picture. Lots of David and Goliath

So back to this morning. We were back to the story of David and Goliath (this time out of The Jesus Storybook Bible ). This particular telling includes the aspect of Goliath’s challenge that if he were to win the Israelites would become the Philistines’ slaves. After reading and discussing a Bible story, we usually end our time by praying. This time I felt stirred to pray specifically for my son. So I got up, placed my hands on those little boy shoulders and prayed that God would continue shaping him into a man after God’s own heart. After we said amen, my three and a half year old asked if he, too, would keep people from becoming slaves. I began my explanation by stumbling around the tragedy of modern-day slavery and oppression before wisely responding, “Hmmm. Give me a minute to think about that.” As soon as I honored my need for quiet, a verse came to mind. “The Bible says that when we choose to disobey God, we become slaves of sin,” I explained. We then talked about how Satan is the great deceiver and his goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. We recalled the serpent’s promise to Adam and Eve in the garden and how Satan tells us us that we’ll be happier if we disobey God, but that it’s a lie only meant to and drag us into slavery and ultimately death. We then returned to the topic of spiritual armor (remember, this kid is really into fighting!) and role played different ways the enemy might try to trick us or those we love and how we can respond with the sword of God’s word that we’ve been hiding in our hearts. It was the coolest few minutes.

I don’t know what God has in store for this kid, but I’ve determined that so long as he continues asking me questions I’ll continue tuning in to the voice of our Shepherd so as to respond to them as faithfully as I can.* What an honor and privilege is mine!

 

*This is not to say that I must give him information beyond my better judgment. One of my “strategies” has been to respond to what is at the heart of a question, as opposed to what he actually asked. For example, his first question after learning that my grandpa had died was “Who is going to eat him? Will it be the worms and the bugs?” I responded by explaining that we’d put Grandad’s body in a special box to be buried in the ground, but then with Jesus’ glorious promise that when he comes back to make all things new, those who love God will come alive again just like Jesus did. I don’t feel that I was being dishonest about the physical process of decomposition, but felt completely justified in responding to a different question than the one he had asked. I’ve written more about this, here.



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